The Waiting Game

I’ve gotten to the point in this year long project of writing a blog post every week, where I feel unsure as to how I wish to round off this year. As we draw into the end of 2020, I feel a pressure to perfectly end this year, writing exactly what needs to be written. Truthfully, this pressure only exists in me and is unnecessary. 

I sat and wondered what I wanted to talk about- the start of this year/project, I remember spending a whole day feeling so inspired with an abundance of titles floating around in my head; themes that I wanted to talk about here. 

As I finish this project, I am left wondering what is left to say! And honestly I am not too sure, but I know that my greatest gift that I can give is my honesty, vulnerability and help. So I thought about what I wish I could read, I was left with this thought- ‘The Waiting Game.’

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They say ‘patience is a virtue.’ That we must wait for the things we desire to come our way. I often wonder what exactly this means. Should I sit quietly in one place and wait for things to naturally come my way? This was the way I used to think, back when I had less belief in myself. Now I think it is important that have these moments of sitting, waiting. But not just that- we must also be pro-active in accomplishing our goals. 

I think back to when I first had this dream of becoming a photographer, I would create, edit, watch rubbish T.V, snack, share the photo and then just do nothing. By this I mean, I didn’t believe in my work enough to do anything with it. I would just create and share because this was all I ever saw other creatives do, and it was all I believed I was capable of doing. Now, I see my work as just that- WORK! I enjoy is so much as a job, but I have recently began to find the value in my art- seeing it as a gift that can *in truth* be profitable for me, in money terms as well as profitable in joy.

Back then I would get upset that I wasn’t as successful as the photographers I used to look up to, but back then I never considered the hard work and dedication that goes into this. I now craft art, put a value to my work and invest in my future. I consider this new frame of mind my gift to myself. I see this as a gift to the younger me who never saw myself going anywhere. 

I have spent my life in a constant waiting game; for me, my waiting game has been waiting for myself. I have waited for the inner me to catchup with my worth, I have waited for the inner me to see WHY I create, and to wake up that fragile inner self to the possibilities that they’re capable of.

I am now patient because I have let myself have a reason to be patient: I am slowly contacting galleries and waiting to hear back, I am creating my first ever series that could be sold in a gallery- around darker themes I am adored since day one. I am also learning to say no to more things, to patiently create specifically the art I need to create, and not because of obsolete reasons.

How are you being patient? How are you waiting?