2018: A Year of Love and Loss

2018: A Year of Love and Loss.

I like to look back on my year, and look at how much has changed and what the Tom of Jan 1st 2018 was to expect! It has (in truth) been one of the hardest years I’ve been through for a number of reasons: we moved house, I ran my first every workshop, I had a lot of loss and near-loss and pretty much nearly gave up on it all!

The Loss part has been the hardest to adjust to, both my dear grandfather and best friend in the form of a cat (Cosmo) sadly passed away this year. One from a long battle, the other too suddenly. The grieving has hurt the most for these two were comforts in my life that brought me a different kind of joy; one of familiarity which I will struggle to find again for a while. I also have experienced quite a bit of friendship loss, from people I greatly looked up to and respected. It has been a continuous worry that has caused me to very nearly want to give up on what I love to do. But gradually I am learning to accept this and find that joy again for myself. My longest best friend Ruth was also in a terrible car collision which had caused a lot of damage, I am beyond grateful that she is okay now and that we can continue our strange messagings!! I have learnt a lot about understanding sorrow; sitting next to it and asking it questions, rather than running away at the first sight. I am hoping to go into this new year with a clean slate, clean mind and a blank canvas to fill with adventures and magic!

On a more positive note (sorry for the burden of my problems!) I have had a lot of greatness happen this past 365 days including my first ever photography workshop- I taught photography to a lovely bunch of women that created the most beautiful images; it has helped me realise that this is where I want to be putting my energy and sometime this year, I will begin offering 1-1 workshops on a more intimate and precise level! (Please get in touch if you’d be interested in one of these :D) I am going to create a list now of positive things as I want to fill this yearly post with joy and remind myself that it wasn’t as terrible as it seems:

• Saw the new year in with my love, who I fell deeper and deeper in love with; coming to respect and admire his courage for life.
• Went on the most incredible adventures including Edinburgh, Venice, Amsterdam, Lake District x2 and all over the place!
• Saw Lady Gaga perform live and danced my butt off with two sweethearts!
• Photographed in the streets of Venice with the most amazing people, all whilst getting shouted at by a very italian lady and their police
• (speaking of which…) Got a call made from a concerned citizen about an “angel in the woods” to the police about me
• Went on a mysterious walk around a misty field where huge sculptors would appear out of nowhere
• Began my 183 project which I got halfway through, creating every other day for a whole year, creating some of my all time favourite pieces of art and creating like never before
• Took my grandad to his hometown and saw where he was brought up
• Had the most talented lady on the planet (Nicole Dawn) paint me to be a clown
• Saw both a sunrise and sunset on the same day with my love on the beaches of Mablethorpe
• lay BUTT naked in bluebells 
• made deep connections with some beautiful ladies in a hidden castle in the Peak District
• Spent a few days with Ruth exploring the beauty of the Lake District
• Moved into a beautiful new house with incredible photography locations around.
• Experienced life in-between houses, embracing the beautiful peace of the unexpected.
• Touched every flower possible and took many photos amongst them
• Did I mention WORKSHOP!!
• Lay in Poppies and saw the world in unison
• Created a photo dedicated to my grandad even though my gut wanted me to give up
• Shot weddings for lovely people and grew my techniques 
• Saw Vincent Van Gogh paintings in person and held back my tears
• Grew from the pain, thank u next
• started building props and taking time to create a concept- my hibernation period
• Met up with the most amazing printers to discuss paper types for the beginning stages of selling prints of my work
• Found heaven in the Royal Shakespeare company and held back from screaming with excitement and from many tears from their beauty!
• Deeper bond with my love in the Lakes
• Grew stronger connections with my family and friends, becoming my own person and realising why I have value.

So these are pretty much all the significant things I can think of that really shaped this year, and saved it from being the train wreck it could have been! Thank you to all of the people that have been there for this crazy ride, and for being so caring and loving to this shell of a person! I will try to make 2019 one filled with little moments of joy, but will most likely have to be reminded of my sadness and continue grieving with it. I hope you can all look back on this last year and see who you’ve become from it, and who you wish to be this next year <3